Give and Take Relationships

I cannot count the times I have heard people talk about their relationships as being entities of "give and take". Verbalized from countless many is the opinion that this is central to a love relationship. For those that do not hold this opinion, they often entertain the thought in times of relationship trouble.

Exclaimed in pure frustration are variations of, "if he/she really loved me, then they would.." (fill in the blank). The more frustrated some become about the, "what is what, in the what", the more muddled thinking becomes. Suddenly love, relationship, and various synonyms of duty slowly mesh into one. The path forward to arguments and chasms, inevitable.

When Pentad opened its doors several years ago, the focus of my work was relationships and couples, in addition to holding seminars for women. My every waking moment was consumed with these subjects. The more I dug into the depths of common concepts taken for granted, the more frustrated I became at the media's portrayal of that which was supposed to work to save relationships, or what people should do to "spice" up their love lives. So little substance, and people eat it up. Why? Because they count on the media's use of experts. They count on them knowing what they are talking about.

I was asked at various times throughout the years to do commentary work for a couple of International women's magazines. Time and time again disappointed by the angles chosen in such articles, and with the knowledge that more women buy into what they are reading, than they many times will admit. Especially where relationships are concerned. I worked at providing a different perspective of deeper reflection, noticing that my advice was so often the exact opposite of the words of others in the field.

I was frustrated, because I know how many families are hurting out there, and there are so very many children involved. How do I know people buy into the ideas? I know, because they were the types of things I heard verbalized in my office working with couples. The many tips and books out there not only set people up to fail, but many end up feeling like failures. I realize the harshness of the statement, but it is my honest opinion.

Should people be told what they want to hear? Or, what they truly need to hear? I remember a former client overseas joking about my swift-kick method. I am known for giving a swift kick in the behind when talk stagnates in the dark swamp of, "going nowhere". It doesn't happen often, but when I'm hired to work for a person's or couple's success, I take it seriously.

In a January post, I wrote that I painfully sense that many are up in the lofty branches of a rotting tree, desperately attempting to paint dry leaves green, all the while ignoring the condition of the roots and trunk. I don't know. A quick moving society needs quick solutions, and pretty green leaves. There no longer seems to be the time to work at that which really works, and it can take time. There does not seem to be time to work on changing core beliefs and attitudes. In the scheme of bigger and better, simplicity may not be fancy enough. Frilly quick solutions become mindset. They become a cultural standard, and even though people realize that they could not be farther from the truth of the realities they live.

I haven't written serious articles about intimate relationships for a couple of years now. There was a time when I belted them out, although not in the English language.

I almost have to let out a sigh and a laugh as I edge my way into the subject, and ask,

So, what is love? When we feel the need for love, what is it that we attempt to satisfy?


give it a fire up vote
(I am otherwise always extremely thankful for a 'stumble')